I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
