That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
