we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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