Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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