I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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