just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
