I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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