A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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