You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
