Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
