Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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