Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
