I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
