YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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