Your dad touched me again.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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