I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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