Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
