Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
