that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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