I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
