so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
