In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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