Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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