god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
