dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
