he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
