I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
