Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
