I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize