I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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