You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
