id be glad to
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
