shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
