shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
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