Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
