Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
