I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
