The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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