So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
