He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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