Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
