Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
