theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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