I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
