people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
