the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
