Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
