Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
