I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
