How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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