woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
