I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
