We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Alive.
So much puke
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
